Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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