Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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