I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
