you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
