i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
pray to the hookup gods
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
