I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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