it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
