how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
