I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
