Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
