Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
