I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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