we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
