I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
