The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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