Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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