No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize