Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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