I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
