my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm at about main and main street
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize