Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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