OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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