why didn't you poke me back
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
