My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
