im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize