I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
