We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
