i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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