Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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