I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
