there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
