I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
