The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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