distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
