its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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