yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
