Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize