Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
