I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
