yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
