I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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