Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize