dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize