Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
