sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
