I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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