i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
