Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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