She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
