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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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