you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
