i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
