i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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