i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you still have your period?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
