just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
