Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
