My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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