she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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