he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
