That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
