; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
