Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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