I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hippo gnu deer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
