There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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