i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
