Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
