At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish you could order shots online.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
