So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
