Do you still have your period?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
