Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
look no pants
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
