I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
