I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
