There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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