You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
how does that bad decision feel?
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