yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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